the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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