Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
