my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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