The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
