so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
