I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
