i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
