part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
