why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
