IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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