Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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