good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
