never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
