nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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