Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I need to stop coming to work sober
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
