OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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