So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
