drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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