It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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