I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
