rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
