Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
