Dual....:-)
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
