OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
