Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
