I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
