So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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