she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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