It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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