when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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