I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Randomize
