he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
