please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
