My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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