I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
