Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
