my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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