i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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