it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
