Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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