Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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