it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
