i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
