Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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