Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
So vagazzling was a success
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
