U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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