I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
