Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
soo... how was my night?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
