That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I stole a fireplace last night.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
