i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
cat food counts as protein by the way
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
