i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
God I need to hump something, right now.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
