i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
