the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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